Learning To Love Yourself
Updated: Feb 27
Learning to LOVE YOURSELF is the greatest gift and the most profound way in which you can influence the state of the world.
Our outside world is a reflection of our inner relationship with self.
If you want LOVE and PEACE in your life then create LOVE and PEACE within your HEART and MIND. You deserve NURTURE and CARE.
The truth is that we need to give this to ourselves first. And yet, most of us believe that we need to receive this from others for it to be acceptable.
We are raised to think that if we love ourselves we are selfish or vain. In an attempt to remain loveable and acceptable by society we live in self-hatred and self-criticism hoping that harshness will bring us closer to love.
We externalise our love and worth making others responsible for giving it to us.
We cast ourselves aside in the hope that this will bring us the love that we desire. We believe that meeting our needs and making ourselves happy is wrong. We believe that it is selfish and we fear we will be judged if we place our needs and desires as a priority. We must be self-less. We believe we need ‘less of self’ to be love able. Crazy really..
The issue then arises that we are living in ‘with-out’. We are ‘with-out’ our self. We then begin to externalise love and place the responsibility onto others for us to be loved. Love becomes a need. We become needy. We see that the only way to feel fulfilled is through the love of others. We begin to live from the perspective that others are responsible for the love that we need and only through their love will we feel WORTHY OF LOVE. Love has now officially become externalised, as has our worth and love is now ‘with-out’.
It sounds ludicrous to think that we believe that by not loving ourselves we will create and attract love. It is ludicrous that we believe others are the source of us feeling love for ourselves. And yet we do. This is the frame of society. This is structure of social norm. For love to be available to ourselves love must be given verses self-created.
‘You love yourself’ is an ongoing taunt our children hear in the play ground, the taunts that we heard through our childhood, that we continue to hear through media, through society, and by the unconscious world. These beliefs are not intentionally cruel, they are simply unconscious. They are simply the unquestioned social rules, norms and beliefs that are handed on and on that self-love is a sin.
We need to change this. We need to challenge this. We need to learn to love ourselves.
The truth is, to bring love into this world we must love ourselves first. F.L.Y… First Love Yourself… and everything else will fall into place.
The key to happiness lies within our ability to love ourself, see ourself, know ourself.
Self-love is the playground for self-awareness, self-concept, self-esteem, self-worth, & self-actualisation.
So how do we learn to love ourselves? We begin by realising our value. As we discover our values we begin to develop self-awareness around who we really are. As this awareness develops we begin to discover our qualities and therefore begin to live a life that holds value. We begin to then live governed by our values. These values become our actions. Our values make us valuable. We then begin to see our worth, we build our esteem and we then, through self love give ourselves the support, nurture and care we need to fulfil our dreams and become actualised. Simple really...
This all starts by challenging the way we think and speak to ourselves about ourselves. For self-love to flourish, our mental and emotional framework needs to be encouraging, supportive, nurturing, understanding and most of all kind.
So how do you speak to yourself about yourself?
I know the influence that words have upon the way we view and relate to our word. My work as a psychotherapist sees me treat people using thoughts and words to shift perceptions, emotions and behaviours, creating new ways of thinking and relating to the world they live. My clients begin to create new relationships with themselves by using words that encourage, support and nurture themselves. They stop holding themselves hostage to the mental and emotional abuse by shifting their inner dialogue and choosing to speak kindly to themselves and by being loving to themselves. By stepping into and developing a self loving relationship. The truth is…If you want to experience healthy relationships, you MUST first begin by creating a healthy relationship with yourself.
The inner mental critic is limiting, fearful and controlling. The inner mental nurturer is supportive, kind and expansive. To put it simply, when we think kindly we live kindly.
It’s funny that the inner mental critic believes it will create growth and change through criticism. The truth is we grow, change and achieve through support and love. When you start to be loving to yourself and speak kindly to yourself you will begin to grow, heal, and expand. Life will become easier. Hardship will become surmountable. You will raise your vibration and begin to resonate at the frequency of love.
Positive words help support you and bring you into the a relationship of nurture, love and kindness . The universal law states love begets love as does hate begets hate. You can choose words of kindness, encouragement, support and love. You can be the nurturer of yourself verses the critic.
By using the power of words aligned with the power of intention we can shift our mental, emotional and behavioural states bring ourselves into growth, self love and healing.
Step into self love and use words to influence your thoughts. When you hold attention on what you want you begin to align yourself with your intentions. You can begin to align yourself with what you need to feel love and be at peace.
F.L.Y.. First Love Yourself ~ From this space everything falls into place.
Let me make this clear….
You deserve LOVE, CARE, COMPASSION and KINDNESS. LOVE yourself. ACCEPT yourself. Be KIND and UNDERSTANDING with yourself. Be PROUD of your achievements. Be TOLERANT of your mistakes. Give yourself permission to be imperfect. Realise your imperfections are absolutely loveable and perfect. Speak to yourself with ENCOURAGEMENT, COMPASSION and LOVE.
The world needs you to love you…
Choose & Atune. Attention with Intention
Hold you desired intuition and align yourself with
LOVE ~ OPTIMISM ~ COMPASSION ~ CONFIDENCE ~ ACCEPTANCE ~ EMPOWERMENT